For most people, Christmas is a time of year to spend with loved ones. Whether that’s at a massive family gathering, with friends on the beach, or a significant other over a quiet candlelit dinner at home, it’s a special time of year for all.

Sadly, many people will also be grieving this Christmas. They may have lost someone only recently, or this may be their first Christmas without someone who passed earlier in the year. They may be grieving a marriage or major break up, or they may be grappling with a medical diagnosis. Either way, it’s not going to be an easy time for them.

So what can you do to help lighten their load this Christmas?

Here are a few simple tips to help a grieving friend go through Christmas this year.

Don’t be afraid to simply bring it up

 It can be tough to know just what to say and how to say it, but don’t stress about finding the right words – simply bring up the conversation.

Your loved one may not want to talk about it at all, but they will appreciate that you are there and happy to talk for when they are ready. However, many will be keen to talk about what they’re feeling, and even though it can be a tough chat, it can be helpful to simply talk it out.

Avoid booze, but have plenty of tea on hand, and keep the conversations away from noisy Christmas parties. Remember that car drives and walks can be much easier for opening up than sitting across from one another at a table.

Offer specific help

When someone is grieving, they will hear ‘Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help’ more times than they can count.

It’s a rare person who will then ask for the help they need.

Instead, tell them you’ll bring them dinner on Tuesday night, and will take the kids off their hands on Saturday afternoon. Tell them you’re coming over to do a load of laundry and to vacuum while the washing machine is running. Whatever practical help you can offer will be a blessing, and they can let you know if it’s truly not welcome, but you’ll often find that this is all they need to help them make it through the day.

Invite them, and invite yourself

Invite them to every event, drinks, dinner, coffee date, walk, and last-minute-gift-shopping-spree you go on. They may decline some, and they may accept some, but the main point is that you’ll help them know that they’re not alone.

On the flipside, invite yourself to their events. Do they have a Christmas party coming up and need a buddy to get through the evening? Offer yourself as the perfect plus one, so they always have a friendly face to turn to when things get hard.

Accept that they might not feel the cheer

No matter what you (and others) do, there is the real possibility that they just won’t be feeling the cheer this year. The best thing you can do is to accept that and not try to force it on them. Even if that means they’re going to skip their usual annual Love Actually evening, flag a Christmas tree, and not bother with making a cake, you can still be there as a good friend without it being a ‘Christmassy’ event.

Be real

Everybody’s grief is different, and those who are grieving probably don’t know what to do with themselves as much as you don’t honestly know how to support them.

Instead of falling back onto the usual cliches of saying how sorry you are for their loss, be real and honest with your talk. You don’t know what to say? Tell them so. Let them know you’re thinking of them whenever they cross your mind and say it in a text, a call, a postcard, or a random coffee dropped off to them at work.

No matter what, just remember that your job isn’t to make everything better. You can’t take away what has happened, but you can be there throughout the holidays no matter what.